What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 11:55
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What is the worst emotional pain you ever felt as an adult?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
All the time i was locked up.
I could never make a relationship work though!
How did Kate Mulgrew feel about Jeri Ryan joining the cast of Star Trek: Voyager?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The #1 Spice to Help You Poop, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
She married twice! .
Why is Trump so disliked worldwide?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Insulin Isn't Just Made by The Pancreas. Here's Another Location Few Know About. - ScienceAlert
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Can I study a master’s in travel and tourism in Sweden within a budget of 5 lakhs INR?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was seconnd youngest,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
He knew the spot.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I said to her
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
When she asked me how she looked .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i lived it daily.
Who then, do I blame.?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We all went to grammer schools
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Would this be the day?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But, we were locked up after school.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why did i forgive my father ?
She loved him until the end.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It was going to be , some day.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I think the readers, may guess!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So, i spoilt her more .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My family never makes their pension either.
My life is so biszare .
She was in good health!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it wasn’t much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was very sick at this time too.
I was scared of men, in general
Im still living with it.
I write beautiful poetry .
She found it foreign!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.